Disposable relationship???

I am assuming you're reading this because, just like me, you've had a taste of how relationships are becoming "disposable" these days. Disposable? Just as how it was defined by Merriam, Disposable means "it is designed to be used once and then thrown away." Ouch.

The title of this blog is one of the catch phrases you will find in Joshua Harris' book, "I Kissed Dating Goodbye." According to a friend, this book did "miracles" in their school way back on 2003. Most couples, I mean High School couples, decided to "split" after they have read the book. I am only halfway through reading this precious literature but I have an idea why those people chose or leaned toward breaking up instead. And if my hunch is right, whatever relationship they had at the moment they've gotten hold of this book, the relationship is something close to being "disposable."

Looking back, I am not proud to say that, at this age, I've already had 6 failed relationships. I started being "romantically" involved when I was seventeen and there was a part in my life when I became a serial monogamist (Read my lips: t-h-a-t / w-a-s / t-e-n / y-e-a-r-s / a-g-o !!!). I guess it's because of the bitter truth that we've become living examples of a culture well infected by Hollywood in terms of viewing romance and sex. Of course there's always the issue of parental control but I guess a parent can just do so much.

Considering my experiences of pain and confusion as far as relationships are concerned, I guess Mr. Harris is right in saying that, to protect ourselves from being victims of disposable relationships, we basically need to guard our hearts and make a clear distinction between what feels good and what is good.

Please don't get me wrong. I am not trying to sell Mr. Harris' book. I just find it so helpful in shaping our thoughts about relationship and love. I think anyone who had been infected by the love bug would agree when I say that most people "in love" gets so vulnerable to anything. That's why if we can only learn to guard our hearts from "pollutants" like lust, infatuation, and self-pity, it would be easier for us to focus in establishing FIRST a genuine friendship with people of our same sex especially with the opposite sex. These pollutants can get us off track so easily that's why, just like in physical health, we need enough "antibodies" or protection to steer clear from them. What are these "vaccines"? First, make your parents part of your team. It's really a big mistake to count our parents among our "enemies" when establishing a boy-girl relationship. Give it a try and you'll be surprised with the wisdom they can share in every step of your way to make that relationship meaningful and successful. Secondly, check out the guy on the cross. Start counting Him as your ally or buddy. I am very sure that with Him beside you all the way, nothing will ever go wrong.

Sounds so easy, right? Well, sure enough, you'll forget all about these once you've come face to face with a very handsome guy (or a very sexy girl in a man's perspective). It could have been better if man is designed not to get attracted to any of its kind. But then again, following Mr. Harris' simple rule on the book, I hope it would ever occur to everyone, especially to those who still belong to the youth crowd, that "the joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment." There is something about our parents' warning about not getting involved too much romantically so quickly. But if you really feel ready for this kind of commitment, are you getting into to it because "you love the person because you need him OR you need the person because you love him?" Sounds like a line in a Tagalog movie, eh? But that is usually the hard fact. We sometimes subconsciously "love" the person because of personal, selfish reason. It's always about what the person can do to us and not what we can do or give to that soul.

I am not trying to be a moralist here but I guess what I just want to tell everybody is for us to be more of a giver than a receiver when establishing relationships. I would also like to emphasize that certain actions, specifically physical intimacy, is not something we ought to do and display at a very onset of a relationship. It takes a certain "stage" before we should consider sharing different parts of ourselves so that, if it would ever come to a point that each person realizes they are not "meant for each other", both of them will not have to suffer the feeling of guilt and the pain of separation doesn't have to be devastating. Considering the current dating trend of our society today, I still quiver at the sight of two very young people doing PDA at almost every corner of the mall, fastfood restos, and even in PUVs. Sure it looks sweet but, most of the time, the expression is just plain physical. It's awfully very shallow. We can keep on blaming media for the influence but I believe it's high time for us to look deep in ourselves and may be ask what we have contributed for a relationship to become like plastic --- a one-time use only.

With this, I dare you to do a little soul-searching and think how a disposable relationship had changed and affected you. Speaking for myself, six failed relationships are enough for me to realize that even matters of the heart entail different phases and with each phase comes a certain degree of responsibility on how we lead the other person to his/her personal growth. At this point, and with a great deal of help from Mr. Harris' book, I can say that a relationship should not just be between two people; there has to be a THIRD PARTY! It should be shared by a man and a woman with the guy on the cross in front of them. ;-)

Let me share with you this quote from "Soul Stories" by Gary Zukav. I hope this helps you UNLEARN then RELEARN stuffs about our hard-to-tame hearts:

"Spiritual Partnership... The new female and the new male are partners on a journey of spiritual growth. They want to make the journey. Their love and trust keep them together. Their intuition guides them. They consult with each other.They are friends. They laugh a lot. They are equals. That is what a spiritual partnership is: a partnership between EQUALS for the purpose of spiritual growth."


God bless!!

Life is a taxi...

"Life is a taxi, the meter just keeps a-ticking whether you are getting somewhere or just standing still."


Let's make a little back track. I happen to have a little "ritual" before I start working. For somebody like me who's been on a graveyard shift for four years now (and still counting), I badly need some pinch of motivation to perk up my sleepy nerves so the whole eight hours won't be so excruciating. Since 2006, I am subscribed to Kerygma to get a daily dose of inspiring emails that will remind me of my Christian duties and responsibilities. This actually helps me a lot to avoid being irate when I was still taking in calls. Now that I'm just monitoring calls, the Bible verses helped me achieve the integrity I need in my job and also consider the impact of my judgements to the lives of our frontliners.

Suddenly, or perhaps due to the first-day-of-the-week lethargy, my emo-gination took me back to one of my grade school days wherein we design our blackboard with an inspiring Biblical quote which aims to set a God-centered day for all the students. So I thought: "Why don't I try that?"

So instead of literally designing a board (or perhaps the blank wall beside me!) I would search first for a good site containing inspiring quotes that will mirror my current personal life (love life, career, etc., just about anything that's giving me the depressing creeps) so I would rather dwell on improving myself than being dragged by mood swings. I would use the quote as my IM status message so it will also ring some bells to my contacts (and yes, it did!)

Then, I saw that line (please see above.. bweheheheh) from Lou Erickson (who's reputation I have to find out later) and it just hit something in me; "something" because I don't know yet exactly if it's my ego or may be I'm in denial that I still have procrastination running through my veins. Perhaps stubbornness? Could it be I'm just being me? Hmmm...


People close to me (especially those who have been witnessing my life's chapters since 1997) have labeled me as stubborn just because there are so many "pending" things about me. I was not able to finish my studies for some reasons I can only tell a handful... but that's not equally saying that I won't go back to school anymore. I am a single mom because of some obvious legal reason ... but that doesn't mean I don't believe in marriage anymore. I guess to make a long story short, most stereotypical people find me 'stranded'; but in my personal opinion, I just opted to follow or dance to the beat of my own drum. Does that make me stubborn?

For sure there are some souls who are sharing the same sentiments that I have. The aforementioned line or quote is just a reminder to me that my "meeeeeter" would go on ticking but that doesn't mean delays are equal to under-achievements. I just hope that some people would stop and think first before judging people whom they perceive as "losers" using their own pathetic measures. Eventhough we are living in the same planet doesn't mean we need to lead the same kind of life. Is it not plain and simple enough that we came from different mothers because we have unique genes and capacities?

Go, my meter, and don't stop ticking. The miles I will cover will show the whole world that I was NEVER stranded. It only takes a non-judgmental eye to see and wonder the roads I have crossed.

Let me just end this with another quote: "Life is like riding a bicycle. You don't fall off unless you plan to stop peddling."